its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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