the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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