im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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