I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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