i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦â€
Randomize
