my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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