I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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