you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
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It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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