I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
