On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
