I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
