I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
