i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
