When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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