it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
