I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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