she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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