your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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