my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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