First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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