Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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