You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
