I wish they made helmets for livers.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
