This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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