Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize