I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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