Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
