6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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