Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize