it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
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Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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