Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
