Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
