When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize