I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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