at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
