The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
