toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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