well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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