my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
