Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
