well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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