A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
