You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
