im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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