He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
