what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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