you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize