How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
