I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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