My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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