I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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