Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
