I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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