That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
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For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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