another moral hangover. fuck.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
