u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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