How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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