Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
there's paper in my vomit.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize