uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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