Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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