So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
